I came across this picture when I google image searched anxiety. I’m sure if I could be bothered and followed the links I could find out who created this beauty, but that requires effort and I seem to be lacking it right now #soz. I find this image breathtakingly beautiful. I have so much to say about it and yet I am lost for words. It encapsulates the very essence of anxiety for me.
Anxiety strips you naked and makes you more vulnerable than you ever thought you could be. You are never ready for this kind of vulnerability, it’s haunting, it’s all consuming, on your mind every second of every day, hiding in the shadows, ready to pounce and strip you down when you least expect it. You can’t escape it, you are on edge, waiting for that very moment you know so well, the one you have been trying to hide from the world, the one you don’t understand. The pit in your stomach, the unease in your step, the racing heart, the trembling body, the violent tears streaming down your face, the exploding fear, the panic pumping through your veins. This is the moment you are most vulnerable and this is the moment that you are the definition of pure strength. This is where you rise, knowing full well that it may happen again but you know that you can and have survived it. You are a warrior. A beautiful vulnerable warrior.
I find so much beauty in vulnerability. Call me crazy but to me, showing someone that you are vulnerable, showing them all of you, taking your mask off, showing them you are human, you hurt, cry, feel, bleed and grow like everyone else is how we truly connect with others. And isn’t that the greatest part of life, forming these amazing connections and bonds with others. Sharing moments with people who love you and understand your brand of weird, quirky and oddness, with no judgment. You are free to be truly you with these people, no hiding, no masks, no behaviour altering, no constant stress of formulating the correct words to say. You are free to be you, dripping little bits of you everywhere you go. Sharing with the world that the most beautiful thing you can be is confident in who you. You are free, you are beautiful, you are loved.
Anxiety makes your brain feel like it’s bleeding, pouring out information, thoughts, unwanted feelings, incessant worry. It’s overwhelming. You plead with your mind to stop for a little relief so that you can catch your breath. You patch it up as best you can for as long as your mind allows you. With each piece of your mind that you share you begin to feel lighter, you can feel some of the anxiety dripping away, you can breathe with ease again. But as great as it is to share your mind, freeing yourself from some of the heaviness, you still feel a sense of burden sharing it, no matter how comfortable you are with that person or how much you know they love you. That is the very nature of anxiety. The self doubt, the questioning of everything you have ever said or done constantly hanging over your head.